England XI: Mourinho and Guardiola

A story on a well known British newspaper website recently claimed that Harry Redknapp was not the FA’s only choice for the England managers job. In fact, they had found out (Through the usual unnamed source) that the FA were considering approaching either Pep Guardiola or Jose Mourinho........................

[This pause is to allow you, the reader, the get up off the floor and stop laughing]

Outlandish and far fetched as that may be, it does pose the question: What would a Mourinho England team look like? And what about a Guardiola England team, what shape might that take?

Mourinho’s England XI

Lined up in Mourinho’s 4-3-3 - The Special One has a few favoured systems, and this one can be considered his Plan ‘A’. A fairly narrow midfield of one defensive midfielder, one box-to-box player, and one midfield man more free to join attacks. Three up front, two wingers that can interchange, and a target man.

Joe Hart is an automatic choice in goal, no questions asked – he is the best goalkeeper England have to offer.

Across the back four, old friend Ashley Cole plays at left back. He too is a fairly automatic choice, despite his advancing years. Mourinho likes his full-backs to offer attacking width, and this is why Cole is complemented on the other side of defence by Kyle Walker. Glen Johnson would’ve had a good shout at being started in the right back berth, if it were not for the fact that he was not really trusted by Mourinho at Chelsea. He preferred fellow Portuguese Paulo Ferreira, and also brought in Geremi as cover – eventually shipping Johnson out to Portsmouth. Kyle Walker would provide the required amount of attacking threat down the right wing, and is an able defender too.

John Terry was the rock at the heart of Chelsea’s defence for Mourinho, indeed he still is. Mourinho is well known for his faith in favourite players, and also known for not giving a damn what people think – just look at how he asked/allowed Pepe to play against Barcelona! Terry gets the nod, and Jose takes the flack.

Alongside Terry isMicah Richards. Terry needs a quick intelligent player next to him to cover. Rio Ferdinand has performed this role in the past for England, but his creaky knees count him out as an effective and reliable “get out of jail” man. Micah Richards has the physicality and pace required to do this job. Also, as a player who is primarily used as a right back, he’s more comfortable on the ball, and will be useful playing out from defence.

In midfield, Wayne Rooney plays in the attacking position where Lampard at Chelsea, Sneijder at Internazionale, and Mesut Ozil plays for Real Madrid. This might seem strange, to play England’s current best attacker in midfield, but here he will get involved in the play as much as he likes to – and Ferguson has experimented with him here recently too. Rooney’s all-round game is about so much more than gettingo nthe end of things, and like Sneijder and Ozil he can orchestrate things from this advanced midfield position. He is complemented by Scott Parker, who is used in a role that was Michael Essien’s at Chelsea and Sami Khedira’s at Real Madrid. Scott Parker might not have the long-range shooting ability of those players, but he is sufficiently “all-action” to make up for this – and this is where the limitations of the talent pool make themselves clear. Completing the midfield trio, and playing as the shield in front of the defence is Phil Jones. A player so versatile that not even Alex Ferguson knows his best position, his work rate and defensive qualities make him perfect here. In addition, his versatility means that he can drop back to make a five man defence when a lead needs protecting, cover for Kyle Walker when needed, and also steam up field and get involved in an attack on rare occasions.

Up front, Ashley Young and James Milner play on the flanks, and would interchange to keep opposition full backs guessing. Adam Johnson was a strong contender here, and would certainly make the bench, but Milner’s additional bulk just shades it for him, he is strong on the ball. Both wingers would be asked to drift infield and try to drag their markers in to give Cole and Walker space to exploit behind.

Andy Carroll plays as the target man. Certainly a controversial choice given his woeful recent form. However, Mourinho is one coach, if there are any, that could get the best out of the big Geordie. Drogba was transformed into a world-class striker by Mourinho, who convinced him that he was so. The same could be done for Andy Carroll, and in fine form, Carroll is the type of player to relentlessly battle a defence, and keep two centre-backs occupied all day long.

Of course, this is an imagining of Jose Mourinho’s England XI – you may have your own views, feel free to post them below, and feel free to slate this one and anyone elses! There are discussions to be had over every single position (probably barring Joe Hart in goal) Put Gerrard where Rooney is? Oxlade-Chamberlain instead of Milner? Try to use the same system though.

Guardiola’s England XI

Lined up in Guardiola’s 4-1-2-2-1 formation. A team that favours inverted wingers, a false 9, and a defensive midfielder that drops back to make a back three when both the full backs stride up the pitch.

Joe Hart. That’s it… a no brainer.

The back four – Ashley Cole is again almost an automatic choice, there has probably never been a finer player to wear the number 3 shirt for England. 90+ caps and still no realistic competition for his position. Glen Johnson gets the Dani Alves role he’s secretly always wanted. A license to bomb up the right flank almost every time England get the ball is what is required here for Guardiola’s XI. Glen Johnson has been much maligned by certain critics, but there isn’t currently an English right sided defender more adept at attacking. Much is made of Micah Richards and Kyle Walker’s claims to this position, but when they come together on the pitch, it’s often Johnson who leaves the others desperately chasing shadows (Might be a bit of an exaggeration there…). The centre-backs need to be comfortable on the ball. Ferdinand is one of the coolest customers in possession – more stylish on the ball than a lot of midfielders, and he is joined by Cahill who, whilst still a little raw, is a centre-back of the ball-playing variety.

Phil Jones is the thirds player so far along with Joe Hart and Ashley Cole, to make both coach’s XI. He is quite simply a beast – Think Barcelona with Yaya Toure rather than Busquets or Mascherano and you’ll get the picture. When Cole and Johnson disappear off into enemy territory, he will drop back between Ferdinand and Cahill to form a back three.

Now, for the part that needs a bit of imagination…. Which English players fulfil the roles of Xavi and Iniesta?

After checking and checking again whether some archaic bylaw and even more ancient bloodline could allow Xavi and Iniesta themselves could turn out for England, Guardiola goes for broke and puts names of all the English born midfielders into a hat. Luckily for him, his glamorous assistant pulls Jack Wilshere and Paul Scholes out of the depths of black felt. Paul Scholes, as is widely reported, is revered in Spain – especially by the Barcelona players themselves. Xavi in particular, when asked by English press who his favourite player was, he named Scholes as the best central midfielder of the last 15-20 years. Scholes’ range of passing, positional awareness and ball-retention ability make him perfect for Guardiola’s England. Alongside him would be Jack Wilshere. The young Gunner is still learning the game – which is no disparagement, he’s already head and shoulders above most muck and bullets midfielders in the Premier League. But his quick touch, technical ability and close control would partner the old head of Scholes rather well in midfield. Scholes gets to have fun as Iniesta, whilst Wilshere is the link player.

Guardiola’s more recent teams, since he moved Messi off the wing (Actually now he’s sometimes back out wide) have utilised converted strikers as wingers, drifting in from the flanks – much like Mourinho, you might say. Pace and directness is the key here, because with Rooney playing a withdrawn role up front – as a false 9 – they will often be the England players closest to goal. Daniel Sturridge starts on the right and Walcott on the left. Again, when they naturally drift infield, those attacking full backs can exploit any spaces created behind the opposition full backs. Rooney is the fulcrum of the team, sitting just off the defenders, difficult to pick up and looking for intricate passing patterns to cut through defences after they’ve been bored to tears with the tiki-taka.

Once again, this is an imagining of Josep Guariola’s England XI – you may have your own views, feel free to post them below, and feel free to slate this one and anyone elses! There are discussions to be had over every single position. Is Cleverley ready for central midfield? Would Kyle Walker be a better pick than Glen Johnson? Theo Walcott – are you f***ing serious? Etc etc

The Champions League Final If I Was God!

Manchester United for the first time in many years are going into a match as the underdogs,very few people are giving them any chance of grabbing their fourth European title.Barcelona possibly the best ever team to have played on this planet with their pass to death philosophy have had a wonderful season with their tiki-taka  style getting even better.
Many of my friends who hate Man Utd(almost all of them) are praying for a humilliation for the Red Devils,and i keep telling them rather arrogantly how United are going to thrash the Catalans.Of course there is this fear in the back of my head that if something goes wrong then it will be two months of unbearable torture from the people who support Liverpool,Chelsea,Arsenal,Madrid,City and even Plymouth Argyle.
So what is my dream Champions League final? How would the game at Wembley play out if i was the Supreme One,if i was God!

15 minutes before kickoff
Both the sets of players are warming up,with Barcelona practicing the short passing which they dont actually need to, and United simply shooting or waving to their fans.Surprisingly Bebe has made the bench for the final,Sir Alex said that it was a tactical decision taken to exploit a weakness in the Barcelona backline,all the Barcelona backroom staff are urgently checking out Youtube and ZonalMarking to compile a dossier on Bebe for Pep,as he didnt have Bebe scouted.

Bebe not expecting to be picked,forgot to bring his Man Utd kit

Back on the pitch,Xavi,Iniesta and Messi were trying out the triangles and Busquets and Alves were fine-tuning their play-acting skills.Pep then came on to the pitch and pointed out to Busquets that Nani on the other side has improved a lot on his body language as well where as Alves and Busquets still use their facial expressions to convince the referee and they need to learn the skill as quickly as possible.

Kickoff

Man United Starting Line Up

Barcelona Starting Line Up

Barca start off as usual dominating possesion,Xavi orchestrating from the center and Carrick unable to cope with him.Just as Man United start to get their tempo going with Rooney dragging Puyol out of place,Xavi plays a delicate one two with Iniesta and then puts in a wonderful ball toVilla who is one on one with Vds.Villa hits it straight at the Dutchman,making the commentator proclaim "Even Berba would have scored that".The same trend continues as Barca miss chance after chance and United look like lost school boys on the pitch.Ferguson has just asked Scholes and Fletcher to warm up.Puyol has Hernandez in his pocket,the little pea seems tiny before the monstrous Catalan,not even able to touch the ball.

30-45 mins

Sergio Busquets then pulls off a brilliant dive which would make Michael Phelps proud,but unfortunately it was outside the penalty box and Barca just get a free kick which Xavi makes a mess of it.Barcelona get frustrated having had so many chances and not even one hitting the back of the net,even Messi gets booked for a challenge on Park who for the whole match followed him like the Hutch dog.The neutrals  get bored and Michel Platini leaves for the toilet not returning until the second half.Ferguson asks Phelan to get back up batteries for his hair dryer.The camera spots John Terry in the stands along with Miss Imogen Thomas.The score remains 0-0 as the referee blows his whistle.

45-70 mins

The teams come out of their tunnels for the second half,Carrick looks a bit dull it seems he faced the full force of the hair dryer.Colin Firth in the stands too seems a bit dull,because it seems he is not the best actor even at Wembley presently and people are wondering how did he get the Oscar.And then it came,the moment all United fans had nightmares about,Messi getting past one,two,three and four United players and poking the ball past VDS.A wonderful goal from the Argentinian sparks wild celebrations among the Barca fans and i get a barrage of texts,tweets with vulgar expletives.
As Ferguson looks at his watch at 65 mins,there is little time remaining.He brings on Scholes for Carrick and Nani for Valencia.Scholes starts out by a nasty tackle on Xavi and earns himself the usual yellow card.

70-90 mins

Time is running out for United as they commit more and more men forward.Barcelona find gaps in the United defence and David Villa misses an excellent chance to double the lead.Then Wayne Rooney wins a corner off Pique and United prepare to take the corner.Ryan Giggs places the ball,and looks over to check his teammates and finds Paul Scholes lurking at the edge of the box.Giggs then sends a delighful ball to Scholes who hits an outstanding volley straight into the net with Valdes rooted to his spot.There is pandemonium among the United supporters,and Gary Neville runs on to the pitch and kisses Scholes.

Paul Scholes Hits A Stunning Volley

Gary Neville Kissing Paul Scholes

Fergie Time

Now we enter the time known as Fergie time,which strangely doesn't end until United score.United make their final substitution and the most shocking one Fergie will ever make,Rooney off Bebe In.The supporters from Manchester are shell-shocked that the homeless man from Portugal has replaced the White Pele,their hero.But as always they chant "In Fergie We Trust".Bebe himself doesnt know what to make of this substitution and is perplexed.Barcelona havent still recovered from the Paul Scholes wonder goal but are still dominating possession.Only seconds remaining on the clock,"Can United Score? They Always Score" are the famous words of the commentator before Teddy Sheringham's goal against Munich in the 1999 champions league final.Giggs puts a wonderful through ball to Hernandez who is one-on-one with Valdes,the whole stadium is standing up,the fans from Manchester are praying that "the little pea" should score,but Alas! Valdes pulls out a brilliant save and the ball rebounds off him.But the ball reaches Bebe,who first doesn't know what to do,Nani makes a run outside,but Bebe decides otherwise.He wants to know for himself whether he is a Man United player or not,he needs to know whether he can make it at Carrington,he needs to know whether he is really worth 7 mill.And so he decides to try out an audacious lob over Victor Valdes.Valdes realises he has no chance of even touching the ball and his and his team's only hope is that it sails over.But that lob was Cantona-esque and it would have made the French legend proud.The ball calmly sails into the goal and Gary Neville once again rushes out to the pitch but this time to kiss Bebe.